Long time and no blog

I was gonna get on here and have this in depth, witty and probably slightly sardonic blog but I just can't think of anything amazing to say. Truth be told, I'm in a funk. My Dad's birthday is tomorrow and it effects me. The man has been dead for 14 years and still my heart constricts and I get cranky. I start questioning those I love, thinking I'm not as special or as attractive to them. I guess his birthday makes me think of my mortality more than my own. I also tend to revert to the small only child I was. I want to have a tantrum if I don't get what I want when I want it. On top of all that, I love someone. It's a great thing to love someone. I want to know how he feels because, well, I'm slightly vain. I want to be wanted but now I'm ready to be wanted by one person and for the right reasons. My heart is on the line, I am the most vulnerable right now and he is the non-verbal type. He did tell me about a song that he considers our song. All good signs but my messed up head thinks people will not like me from one minute to the next, or will leave me. My motto used to be, "Better to leave first and spare yourself the pain." Now, I think it may be, "Show your heart and give your love freely."